I would like to know this: when did skid marks become appetizing? Because if I receive one more fancy dessert (like the deconstructed s'mores at Zare, above) with a big brown poo-stain sliding across my plate, I am going to soil my trousers for real.
Here is the thing about the smear...it serves no real purpose. Oh sure, I could pick up one of those hand-made marshmallows and wipe it up with it, but is that very elegant? Or does it feel more like, I don't know, cleaning the toilet?
That brings me to another pet peeve: the deconstructed dessert. Conceptually, it's kind of interesting, but it is really hard to get the execution right and it can go quickly to annoying. Last night at dinner we ordered 2 desserts, both of which were deconstructed - in other words, each component was separated, plated in some kind of artistic manner, and had some kind of little twist to it. For example, the carrot cake plate had baby carrots, a mini carrot cake, and cream cheese ice cream. The only only way for this concept to work is if every component is delicious on its own, and can also work with the others. Sadly, most that I have tried failed on one or both counts. In the carrot cake example, the cream cheese ice cream was the best thing on the plate, and the other stuff was decidedly meh. What also happens in this configuration is that you end up chasing everything around the plate, which seems like a whole lot of work after you have already agreed to pay an exorbitant amount for the pleasure of eating it. I get cranky when my dessert is an irritation and not a pleasure.
So please, restaurants, I am begging you - give me whole, constructed desserts, and keep the pastry brush away from the chocolate sauce. And I in turn promise to keep my personal habits where they belong, well-hidden from view and under the table.
