It sounds so happy, crunchy, hippie-dippy: Rainbow Grocery. A large, neighborhood cooperative with a long history, a place where every food item is bought with a conscience, where the business is owned and run by the workers, in a democracy. You might expect to find Wavy Gravy greeting you at the front door like a Wal-Mart greeter. A place to go after your yoga class to buy spelt bread and gluten-free pumpkin pie. Who doesn't like rainbows?
And basically, it is all of these things. Until coupon day. When it becomes anarchy.
In 2003, Rainbow started putting 20% off coupons in the back of the phonebook to increase the sales on their slow days. They picked a few months out of the year, and made the coupons valid for Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Little did they know what mayhem this would cause - people in San Francisco are dead serious about their health food, and at 20% savings, this is practically like inviting a stampede.
It seems like all of that yogic meditation goes right out the window, and people are stepping on their neighbors' Birkenstocks just to get the last bit of oat bran and bleach-free tampons.
Nonetheless, 20% is a pretty big deal, especially in this economy. So it's worth it to go to Rainbow on coupon day, if you have a strategy. My friend Kristina and I are working on a Rainbow Survival Guide that is sure to make us millions (or at least millions of agave-sweetened soft drinks). We will accept payment in cash or Rainbow coupons.
1. Do not park your car in the garage. You may never leave, or at least pop a vein in anger at the clusterfuck that you are guaranteed to find yourself in the middle of. You might be tempted to throw your vine-ripened organic tomatoes at people's heads - don't do it. Park on the street and walk.
2. Go with a friend. It will help you keep your sanity and focus as you slowly lose your mind.
3. Do the Cart Park. That is, get a cart, but then park it somewhere near where you need your supplies. Dart to and fro, stopping back at the cart every once in awhile to drop things off. This will make your experience exponentially faster and less frustrating.
4. Make a list, and stick to it. Otherwise you will find yourself buying some of the weirdest things you have ever heard of, which you will discover taste like the cardboard box they are packaged in. They will be doomed to the back of your cupboard, because you will refuse to throw something away that you paid $8 for.
5. Learn the nuances of buying in bulk. It's one of the best things about shopping at Rainbow, and everyone knows this, so the area is swarming with people, who tend to get cranky. Fill up your bag, memorize the bin number, write this number on a twist tie, and twist it around the bag with the number showing clearly. Don't take more than you need and then put the rest back. That's just gross. Do not sample. It's not a bowl of chex mix at a bar.
5. Bring your own bags. Otherwise, you will get the "look" as you reach for a paper shopping bag, which means that you are resource-draining, consciousless n00b.
All of that said, they do have amazing products, from the bulk foods, to produce, to beauty and health products. I don't know where else I would find pearlized barley and coconut oil, or raw milk and 10 types of firm tofu. And I always see things that arouse my curiosity - which is a rare occurrence at regular chain grocery store. Being inspired by good, wholesome food, at a significant saving to boot, is definitely worth the effort.
