Idyllic, right?
Only, for the past several Sundays, some bastard has been stealing our paper! Actually, it's worse, this ballsy motherfucker has been stealing parts of the paper, and then throwing the unwanted sections, along with the bag it comes in, into our trash! AAAAAAAARRRRRGH! Do you know what the smell of stale garbage is like first thing in the morning? Barf-a-licious, that's what.
Every week, I call Customer Service, and tell them that the carrier has to put in inside the gate. Not next to, not near, not touching, but inside the gate, where greedy, theiving hands can't reach it. They always apologize profusely, credit me for the paper (which of course, does not equal the cost and effort to buy a replacement paper) and promise to contact the dispatcher immediately and have it taken care of.
This morning, my blood boiled as I saw that the garbage can lid was standing straight up. The asshole had not even bothered to shut it - mocking me, taunting me. It was like the mark of a serial killer - this person wants to be noticed.
I swear to God, I am going to camp out next time and wait to see who this person is, and when I catch them, I am either going to blow their brains out a la Denzel Washington in "American Gangster", or give them a piece of my mind (the more harsh of the two punishments).
THIS IS WAR!!
