Okay, eyes may be the true windows to the soul, but you're going to have to get through my new super-cool Versace glasses to find them!
I decided it was time for a change. I had been wearing the same black rimless glasses for a few years (to be fair, they were cool too - by Miami designer Edward Beiner). When I went to Lenscrafters with Michael a few weeks ago to help him select his new glasses, I became smitten with these frames. They became like a potential lover to me - I thought of them day and night, I kept inventing excuses to go to the mall to visit them, I showed them off to friends, I kept their item number written down on a scrap of paper folded in my wallet. I kept imagining how much better my every day activities would be in my new glasses. If I had been able to call them and hang up, I would have. Every day my old glasses seemed more and more dull and functional in comparison - familar, yes; alluring, not so much.
Finally, I was able to coerce Charles into agreeing to let me buy them (such is the life of an unemployed woman, sigh). Lenscrafters made me have an eye exam, where I learned, among other things, that my prescription has gotten to the point where it was time for [cue foreboding music] bifocals. I looked at the doctor in horror, and she assured me that they would be invisible. God, how I needed new cool designer glasses more than ever!!!
For any of you out there who pooh-pooh Lenscrafters, let me say these words to you: 30% discount with your AAA Membership. Hello, 30% off of Versace? D & G? Armani? Yes, please! They do not advertise this discount, so whip out that card and show them that you have the inside scoop (thank you, Michael!).
There is a story within a story here, which I will tell in brief. After my eye exam, my eyes were seriously dilated and I could barely see, which made me nauseuos and very wobbly. They said it was probably ok to drive myself home, just a short distance. However I forgot it was the last day to take care of my "Fix-It" ticket, so instead I had to drive all the way downtown to the courthouse. Not only that, but I had to stop at the police station to get a sign-off on my ticket before paying the fine. I was staring at that police officer trying to force my eyes to focus, but I am sure I looked high as a kite! Plus I was kind of burping from the nausea, so I probably looked, drunk, too. I wanted to say, no, my eyes are dilated because I was at Lenscrafters getting my eyes examined for my bifocals! At the mall! Really! Thank god it was close to quitting time, because the officer barely glanced at me before signing my ticket (he didn't even bother to check the car). So I got in line at the courthouse and paid the $10 fine (at least I think I gave them a $10 bill, it could have been $100), and drove back to the mall to pick up my new glasses. Score!
So, I've had my glasses for a week, and I love them. It took a few days to get used to them, as they are much more of a bold statement than my previously mentioned Beiners. But you know what? The time to make a statement is now, I say. These are the glasses of a proud-to-be-40-year-old woman, I say.
I was telling Bruce about my glasses on the phone the other day. And he said the absolute sweetest thing to me, "Lizard, I am sure they are fabulous. You always have great taste - in fact, you are the only person whose taste I never worry about." Oh my god, can I possibly love him any more??
So, yes, you still have to look into my eyes to glimpse my soul, that has not changed. But my new glasses? Well, they make a mighty nice window-dressing.
Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses
- Dorothy Parker
At girls who wear glasses
- Dorothy Parker
